On the verge of tears

I feel overwhelmed by emotions today... a not so unusual feeling these days. I write this not really to complain or seek companions with whom to commiserate. In fact, I actually feel blessed by the opportunity and capacity to feel and experience emotion. And when my eyes do begin to tear its more a catharsis than annoyance. I'm not sure I can articulate why I am so capable of weeping these days... stress from my tight deadline looming, joy at completing another year of study, excitement at the possibility of being home in Georgia in a month and four days, anticipation of my parents arrival in Bristol in just two weeks, uncertainty of where my journey will next take me, rapture at the natural changing of seasons, sadness at having to say goodbye to the place that has become my home and to friends.

So many seasons of my life are converging these days and I weep, but in a good way.

Just, Margaret

"Zabardust"

Apparently this is the Pakistani word for really great, cool. I learned it at that international covered dish meal I mentioned I was going to and that I baked the Key Lime Pies for. It was so fun! Really. Zabardust (pronounced za-bar-dusth)!

I feel very blessed to have been able to meet the people I have this year. My international education has been as defined by my interaction with them as any of the lectures in which I have sat. Success this year isn't defined by my ability to trowel out the perfect trench (though I do think I've come a long way on that front [smile]) or to be able to explain stratigraphy for various audiences, but by the relationships I've formed. I'm not sure how many people I'll be able to keep in touch with as we scatter to all corners of the world, literally. (I hope it is more rather than few.) The season to part has come, as I reminded by someone this evening. It is not something that can be changed any more than I can change having met these wonderful people in the first place. God has ordained my life to include this rich experience and I am thankful. What my journey will include next I can only attempt to imagine!

Just, Margaret

A digital scrapbook

This Sunday I volunteered to represent MIH at a Methodist church service.  Apparently they requested that a few students attend the service to talk about their church experiences in their home countries.  What the church will be getting is an American and an Australian... not exactly the most exciting combo at least in my mind.  I guess its still hard to think of myself as an international student.  International students should come from exotic locales and Georgia just doesn't feel "different" enough.  So the last day and a half I've been thinking about the experiences I've had in the United Methodist Church, basically since infancy though I've decided to focus on the last few years (missionary experience and such).  They also asked that we bring any "artifacts"- actually their word not mine- that we may have to share.  Since I do really have a whole lot of material artifacts I could share, I decided to put together a quick slideshow to loop throughout the morning.  I've actually had lots of fun going through photos again.  Finding ones I remember taking in Fargo and then Baldwin, remembering the different events in Georgia before I moved here.  Its cathartic to reassess my life over the last few years in this way.  Reminds me of the blessings, things I should remain thankful for.  Not sure if the photos will make much since to people who haven't lived through the events with me... maybe they'll think their exotic. [smile] 

Speaking of blessings, today is my beautiful grandmother's birthday.  I don't think she would mind me telling you that she is 80.  The women in our family don't tend to freak out about telling their age.  I think my Grammy would say that there is no reason not to share her age because each year has added so much to the joy of her life experience.  That's one of the things I love about her and hope that I can inherit.  She loves people so fully and with such amazing joy and compassion.  I love that I share her name.  The photo above is the most perfect of the two of us together, but I love it because I think we've sat on a porch together talking or not talking, sometimes both intently reading more than any other place.  Love you Grammy and Happy Birthday!

Just, Margaret

A quarter of a century

A couple of months ago I began a post that I intended to publish on my 25th birthday.  Today when I checked to see what I had written I realized that the answer was nothing, well, except the title that you see above.  Turning twenty-five seemed so big this summer... in fact I think I may have even experienced a mini "quarter life crisis."  Crazy I know, but something about the thought of this birthday was making me reassess what I've done in my life and where I'm going.  Now all of that hoopla feels pretty silly, especially when I consider my circumstances of the moment.  What better way to celebrate the first 25 years of my life than actually spending the year living out my dreams?  Seriously if you were to ask me 10 or 15 years ago what I'd like to be doing right now... I think that my reality (living in a foreign country and studying to be an archaeologist) might come really close to what I would have said.  I can think of no greater personal accomplishment than to be at 25 fulfilling my dreams.  

So that's my treatise for today.  And now as promised a few more photos of me living the dream.    

Day 3 found our group at the seaside.  Our first stop was Combe Martin where I took the lovely photo above and was introduced to stinging nettles while climbing up a steep hill full of brambles in search of the elusive ruins of a castle.  If you're not familiar with stinging nettles check out this post written by my college roommate Jane Marie another exchange student to the British Isles.

Next stop was Lynton and Lynmouth where we took a break from all the archaeological searches and just got to be tourists for a while (which was actually pretty historically accurate for our destination because these towns rose to fame as "exotic" locales for young Englishmen's abbreviated Grand Tours during the Napoleonic wars).  Below is a photo of me and Josephine- a fellow HistArch student and new friend.  

Finally I've included a couple of photos of this crazy lift we rode that connects Lynton, at the bottom and Lynmouth, at the top.  Its run on completely renewable water power.  Basically one cart, without a full load of water, is pulled up while the other cart, filled with water, travels down releasing water as it travels downward.  I'm not sure if I explained that so it can be easily understood.  Maybe this website can help if you are really interested.  The important detail I wanted to express is that this railway lift has been in operation for 120 years, using the exact same system... a fact that I have to admit was a bit unnerving.  But apparently 19th century engineering still works just fine.  We made it up and down without a problem!  More to come.    

Just, Margaret

In the airport...

I wrote this post a week ahead of time because I figured that I would be way to emotional to even think about blogging today.  So I'm off on my trip, actually flying over the Atlantic as you read this.  Hopefully sleeping or getting sleepy.  I've planned to try the infamous "Jet Lag Diet" in hopes of an easier transition into my new time zone.  It works to shake up your body's internal clock by alternating between days of feasting and fasting.  And caffeine only during the hours of 3 to 5PM.  I'll let you know if it works.  

Anyway I did want to let any readers out there know that it could be a while before I post again.  When I get to Bristol, I'll have to figure out my Internet connection plus I'll be traveling a good bit during the first week and a half that I'm there.  First I'm off for a weekend in Birmingham (pronounced Ber-ming-um not BUR-ming-ham like the city in Alabama) to meet other Rotary scholars placed in the English Isles.  After that up the coast of Devon for a field excursion with my archaeological program.  I promise to take lots of photos and update the blog when I'm able.  

Just hoping for no turbulence, Margaret

Busy packing...

This is probably the last live post for a while (although I do have several scheduled post while I'm in the middle of traveling) and I totally apologize for it being really short.  I honestly still have so much to do and so little time.  On the agenda today packing, finishing my Rotary presentation, eating pancakes, more packing, and organizing paperwork.  So I feel like I should really get to work.  I told you this would be short.  

Before I sign off I do want to bring everyone's attention to my new sticker declaring me an ex-pat blogger.  I know I'm a few days early, but I'm ready to declare myself as an American abroad.  Woohoo!  If you'd like to read about transplants from everywhere living everywhere, check out www.expat-blogs.com.  So exciting!  

Just, Margaret 

"For a New Beginning"

We read this blessing at a family gathering today.  Its from To Bless the Space Between Us by John O'Donohue.  As I'm sure you gather from the title its all about the newness, awakening to a new self, to new adventures.  Honestly, I've been feeling kinda weird the last few days.  My excitement is wrapped up in the uncertainty of all that I will experience and thoughts of missing out on family life.  On the cusp of this journey, hearing these words really helped me to gain a little perspective and some peace.   

 

Just, Margaret

In out-of-the-way places of the heart, 

Where your thoughts never think to wander, 

This beginning has been quietly forming, 

Waiting until you were ready to emerge. 

For a long time it has watched your desire, 

Feeling the emptiness growing inside you, 

Noticing how you willed yourself on, 

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.  

It watched you play with the seduction of safety

And the gray promises that sameness whispered, 

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent, 

Wondered would you always live like this.  

Then the delight, when your courage kindled, 

And out you stepped onto new ground, 

Your eyes young again with energy and dream, 

A path of plenitude opening before you.  

Through your destination is not yet clear 

You can trust the promise of this opening; 

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning 

That is at one with your life's desire.  

Awaken your spirit to adventure; 

Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk; 

Soon you will be home in a new rhythm, 

For your soul senses the world that awaits you.  

Language barrier

Okay so I'm traveling to a country where I will not have to use a "second language"  so to speak, but I have been warned on numerous occasions that British English is going to be very different from American English.  Just a couple of nights ago I received yet another English to American dictionary.  To top it off this morning I misread the definition in my word a day email.  The word was lout and instead of reading an awkward brutish person, I read an awkward "British" person.  I think that I must have been thinking about being an awkward British person myself.  (SMILE) So you can say that this whole language barrier issue has been on my mind.  In an effort to prevent my total humiliation at not understanding anything that is spoken, I decided to spend some time with that new dictionary and thought I'd share with you a few of my favorite entries.  Hope they make you smile as much as I did.

rubber cement = cow gum (I'm not really sure that I want to know that word's origin.)

popsicle = iced lolly  

wash cloth = face flannel

to call (from sleep) = knock up (My personal fav because the English so doesn't mean the same thing in America.)

Just, Margaret

11 days (and trying not to count)*

So I'm into the final days before I leave for my crazy adventure in archaeological studies and I would be lying to say that the nerves haven't begun to set in.  I'm trying to remain centered, but sometimes all the "what ifs" begin to overtake me.  I've always been this way at the beginning of school year, but this time so many new things abound.  I guess its not surprising that it can all feel a little overwhelming.

To keep me from going completely bonkers, my mom and I have this new little joke.  Anytime I'm beginning to think about all the amazing, but overwhelming firsts I'll have next year we joke that my new altar ego this real outdoorsy girl named Greta is going to take over.  Its pretty silly, I know.  I guess its a mom-daughter thing.

Just, Margaret

*In regards to the title of this blog, I want to clarify that I am very excited about moving to the UK, but I'm also a little sad about what I'll be leaving behind.  So my goal is not to think about how long I have left in the US, but just enjoying the time while I'm here.  

Yard Sale Saturday in Warner Robins, Ga

So just to give everyone an update on the yard sale, a.k.a. boot sale for the British, went well.  I earned a little money for my upcoming adventure and best of all got rid of a lot of stuff that I don't need any more.  I only had one big item that didn't sale.  A futon that I used in my college dorm room.  If anyone in the Middle Georgia area is interested, send me a message and I'll send you a photo.  I'd like to sell it for $40, but I'm willing to negotiate.  

Just, Margaret 

Sitting at home with the dog in my lap

I have finally made it home. Well I've actually been back in Georgia since Sunday evening, but this is the first time I've had to sit down and really reflect on the last week. It seems so strange that just a week ago I was finishing up my last day of active work as a US-2 missionary and now I'm home with our sweet little dog in my lap and thinking about all I have to do to get ready for my next adventure.

It occurs to me that I haven't really shared what's next for me on my blog yet. Mostly because I think most of you who read this already know, but if I happen to have some random readers who don't know me outside of the Internet world let me clue you in. (By the way, I'd love to know if any of you actually exist. I have an automatic stat counter on my blog, but it can only tell me so much about who is reading this.) So back to my new adventure... in September I'll be moving again- I can hear the audible sighs and the "can't this girl stay in one place for any significant length of time"- to the U.K., specifically Bristol. I'll begin a master's program in historical archaeology of the modern world at the University in October. My first real international adventure... I mean I have had my passport for about six years and been out of the country twice for about 10 days each, but I wouldn't really qualify that as an "adventure". They were just trips or visits. Now I'm applying for a visa and will be living in the U.K. for a full year. This is a real adventure.

In addition to being a student, I'll also be serving as an ambassador of the Rotary Foundation. Like my friend, Jane Marie, whose blog link is on the right, I've been awarded a scholarship by Rotary to help fund my studies. Which partly helps to explain where I've been since leaving Louisiana. Over the weekend I attended a orientation seminar for my scholarship. I met tons of other scholars mainly from Georgia, Florida, and Alabama, but with a few random states (and neighboring countries) thrown into the mix. The scholars I met will begin their programs around the same time I will, but in places all over the globe (Russia, Taiwan, Costa Rica, etc.). We are all commissioned by Rotary to be creating pockets of peace, which I've learned can take many forms so who knows what my year will hold. I have so much more to share about my weekend and lots of photos and at least one video to post, but I think I'll go unpack a little more of my life and get back to this later.

Just, Margaret

Just seafood for me!

Today marks my one-year anniversary of becoming a pescatarian, which basically means I haven't eaten any meat from land dwelling animals. Why make this choice? It started out as sort of a challenge from my little sister, Sarah, who is one. So I thought I would try it out for a month and it just stuck. It wasn't a very difficult decision for me. I was moving in that direction anyway. Since becoming a US-2 two years ago, I had backed off from purchasing meat for financial reasons. On a limited income and living alone, it wasn't a priority. When I started to really practice pescatarianism, the whole process of "fasting from meat" became a spiritual discipline. I fully expect to eventually adopt a total vegetarian diet, but this pescatarian diet has given me a chance to gradually make that commitment while still participating in the local coastal food culture- a must when you live in the heart of Cajun country.

I've labeled this post as "life changes" and that's really what becoming a pescatarian has been about for me. I've learned a lot over the last year about what constitutes a healthy diet. About a month after committing to the pescatarian diet I began to cut out my caffeine intake too. No more Coca-Colas a real difficult task for a Georgia girl. : ) But I've succeeded and actually have had two cans of Coke in my fridge that I haven't touched since giving it up all together. Now my only caffeine comes from a coffee every week or so. After eliminating soft drinks, fast food wasn't far behind. Let's face it there is really not much on the menu that fits into my new diet. One pretty great benefit has been the relative ease I've had in controlling my weight. It really hasn't even been an issue. Of course picking up a fairly regular exercise routine has helped too.

By far the best thing about being a pescatarian has been finding out that I really enjoy fruits and vegetables. Raw, stewed, steamed, baked, and every once and a while fried. I've even experimented a little with tofu. I'm hoping to continue to grow my recipe repertoire in the next year. Hey, I'll have lots of new food experiences to add to my list I'm sure since I'll be living in a different country.

Just, Margaret

Moving Day

On my way back to Georgia via a detour through Florida for a Rotary Orientation Weekend. I'm sad to be leaving this home, but it's nice to know that my destination is also home. I don't imagine I'll have access to a computer for at least five days, but I'll make sure to take lots of pictures of all my adventures and record my thoughts to share when I'm back online in the mean time.

Just enjoying being on the open road, Margaret

The last this or that

Yesterday was my last Sunday at the little church I've attended since living in this community. Several times throughout the service I had people speak their goodbyes and during "passing of the peace" many hugs were shared all around. I have surprised myself a little at how little sadness I've felt through this whole process. Usually on the last Sunday before we moved, my whole family would be in tears. I don't think it has anything to do with a lack of feeling connected with this community. I do feel so much love for these people, but this whole process this time around feels more like a celebration than anything else, especially during the church service. I feel so grateful for my experience here, but I also feel very prepared and excited about moving on to a new experience. Two years of service after college was the right thing to do. Of that I am so self-assured, but now it is time to get back into school. I feel so much more empowered by the experiences I've had and look forward to exploring my discipline now with new eyes. I am very hopeful and so the tears haven't come.

Just, Margaret

Not another box and no more tape, please.

This is an attempt to delay more of the inevitable cleaning out, sorting, and packing. I can so not function in my apartment right now. You would think a seasoned p.k.* would be so used to packing that I could get everything accomplished in just a few hours. I guess in our family packing has always been accompanied by a general spring cleaning or de-junking if you will, which I think is actually a very healthy process. It's nice not to feel weighed down by stuff, but still the whole process is not fun, especially going through it alone. At least when my family moved I had four other people to commiserate with about the growing piles of boxes and the the chaos. Thanks for letting me vent. Now back to packing.

Just, Margaret

*p.k.: preacher's kid, a.k.a. divinity school offspring. In the United Methodist Church, synonymous with nomad.

I am so happy!

For the second time in two days I've had one of those epiphany moments when I realize how happy I am... to be me, doing the work I do, living on this campus, being a member of this community. That's as specific as I can be, but isn't contentment one of the best gifts to receive. Even knowing that I only have five full days of work left and that I will be leaving this place that has become my home, I remain content with my present and hopeful for my future. I've moved so many times in my life and this is the first time I've felt so much at peace. I think its a sign that the whole process is being guided/lead/ordained.

Each week my best college girlfriends, "The Nine," and I share a list of at least five things, events, people, circumstances, etc. for which we are grateful. It's a process that isn't always easy, but always rewarding. This past week or two a trend has developed. We have all expressed our gratitude for each other and email. As one of the my friends wrote, we all live relatively quiet, inconspicuous lives, but sharing our stories with each other makes them feel extraordinary and special! I'm so glad I have them with which to share my joy.

Just, Margaret

Waking up to wisdom from the Buddha

Today my "green" page-a-day calendar offered a quote from The Buddha.

What we think we become.

How apropos for a day when all my thoughts have been consumed with worries from work. I'm in the process of writing a proposal for a grant... something I've never done before and I'm totally overwhelmed. The people that this money could serve are in such need and I feel so much pressure not to let them down... to communicate their need in a succinct and efficient way. Also it sorta feels like this final challenge for my time as a US-2. I'm sure I'll get it done, but today I'm going to own this feeling of being overwhelmed so tomorrow I can pick it up and give it another go.

Just, Margaret

Thinking about saying goodbye already...

Today was the day that we distribute commodities at work through a program called Food for Families. We only hand out food once a month, but since I've been in charge of the program for over a year now several of the faces that I see each month have become friends-- sweet people who have chosen to share a little part of their lives with me. Today a few of our elderly clients, found out that I would be leaving soon, that my time as a missionary in their community was coming to an end. I was so touched by one older man's response to this news that I wanted to share it with all of you. He of course first questioned me as to when I'd be leaving (which is actually in two months) and then said "We'll miss you." I told him that I would miss seeing him, too, and he reached over to me. I thought he was going to just pat me on the shoulder, but instead he gave me a great big hug and said thank you. It was nice to see that these people who I have only known for a year and who I spend maybe 30 minutes total each month with would miss my presence. I'm so glad that I chose to spend some time serving in a new community after graduating. I feel like I've learned so much about life and I got to meet such sweet people. Serving others makes me feel so alive when I take the time to remember to slow down and recognize what's going on around me. Today receiving a hug from that old man was one of those moments.

Just, Margaret